Its all started with me getting job in USA after struggling so much for it. Currently its been a month I have started my job. Like all so called "Software Companies" even my job was sitting 8 hours in-front of computer and sometimes visiting the lab for board debug. Lets keep aside these technical details.
I dont know how these thoughts originated. I have a job, got a new car, have enough friends to hang around, but still feel alone. I never had this feeling before. Now a days I see daily one or the other of my friends getting engaged or married. Initially I used to feel myself lucky of being in USA and can avoid this big step of my life few more years. But I am not able to !!! why?
Recently I met one of my friend in a pub. He got his fiancee for DJ night. Eventhough I had my own gang of friends, who were all bachelors around me, I felt like when I will be in his position. As the saying goes, the grass is greener on the other side, may be its the age or the environment around me making me confused day by day. Today I was speaking with my parents. For the first time I spoke a lot and they were less interested to hear what I wanted to convey. Every time I listened to what they said, but today when I wanted to talk more, they became opposite.!!!. Even my sister was less interested to talk to me regarding this issue.
Few days back when my parents raised this topic about me getting married, I said no, not now!!. But after a month I am starting to get interest. I am having multiple thoughts & reasons to start about it soon. First I am at the right age for marriage now with all my formal education done and having my desired job. Second all my friends got married or engaged. Third my office environment is boring, there is no younger generation.
With all these regards, even in my home they also fine to go ahead with my marriage soon by next year I have second thoughts. I still feel sense of accomplishment. After completing masters in USA and job I am at far better place when it comes to comparing with other friends of my age. But is this my achievement or still I have to achieve a lot, is the biggest question!!!. And to achieve that should I remain bachelor or get married like others at this age!!!.??
I guess nature also contributing to my thoughts changing towards getting a life partner soon. When I was doing my masters all I wanted to have a job and roam around freely with friends. But who knew eventually all friends are not compatible with my thoughts. This is may be because they are still younger than me and have same thoughts when I was at their age. So whom should I share my thoughts with??. This is the question I have from my school days. I was always alone when it comes to expressing my thoughts. Its every-time me craving for company from others, not the other way. I guess the barrier potential of this craving is reaching peak. I am also thinking that someone should talk to me daily, ask me to go out with them. Tell stories of how they spent the day and ask mine. Yes, these all seem link towards what I am specifying so called "Getting Engaged" , but I may not be true.
The thing is I also saw so many peaks and valleys in my life. As per my family they think I am the luckiest to have things I desired compared to them with respect to finding resources and getting them. But no one never knew the truth about the other side of coin. Since I never shared my sorrows with anyone, it all accumulated inside. My likes, dislikes when it comes to the person I am never open. I dont know how to talk to people when I am infront of them. Every word I talk, I will be thinking that what should I talk next so to keep the person interested and I fumble!!!..
Now the reasons I am thinking of going away from this thought is few. First I am still left with my student loan, which takes around a year to complete. Second I am still not sure to go back to India. Third I am waiting for parents to come here and see what they feel about USA. Although they dont like Bangalore due to traffic, they may like california. Fourth the girl I want to marry, initial thoughts were to marry a girl who stays in India and not much interested to come to USA. But now I think its better to have that girl staying in california itself, doing job after MS, just like me. There are couple of reasons behind it, first I dont have to waste more time in visiting to girls place in India when I go for vacation and later I dont have any VISA problems.
But the confusion gets bigger and bigger with it. What if my parents does not like USA and I get married to a girl who likes to stay here.?. As my office time offs are lesser, what if I have to spend all my holidays in this, instead of taking my parents out to visit some places as they never did tour much due to our schooling. I want to have them all the things which they missed in their lifetime for raising us.
My mind and heart are struggling and thus not getting sleep, so writing this blog to flow my thoughts away into something. But still one question remains always. What's this confusion all about??
Signing off,
I dont know how these thoughts originated. I have a job, got a new car, have enough friends to hang around, but still feel alone. I never had this feeling before. Now a days I see daily one or the other of my friends getting engaged or married. Initially I used to feel myself lucky of being in USA and can avoid this big step of my life few more years. But I am not able to !!! why?
Recently I met one of my friend in a pub. He got his fiancee for DJ night. Eventhough I had my own gang of friends, who were all bachelors around me, I felt like when I will be in his position. As the saying goes, the grass is greener on the other side, may be its the age or the environment around me making me confused day by day. Today I was speaking with my parents. For the first time I spoke a lot and they were less interested to hear what I wanted to convey. Every time I listened to what they said, but today when I wanted to talk more, they became opposite.!!!. Even my sister was less interested to talk to me regarding this issue.
Few days back when my parents raised this topic about me getting married, I said no, not now!!. But after a month I am starting to get interest. I am having multiple thoughts & reasons to start about it soon. First I am at the right age for marriage now with all my formal education done and having my desired job. Second all my friends got married or engaged. Third my office environment is boring, there is no younger generation.
With all these regards, even in my home they also fine to go ahead with my marriage soon by next year I have second thoughts. I still feel sense of accomplishment. After completing masters in USA and job I am at far better place when it comes to comparing with other friends of my age. But is this my achievement or still I have to achieve a lot, is the biggest question!!!. And to achieve that should I remain bachelor or get married like others at this age!!!.??
I guess nature also contributing to my thoughts changing towards getting a life partner soon. When I was doing my masters all I wanted to have a job and roam around freely with friends. But who knew eventually all friends are not compatible with my thoughts. This is may be because they are still younger than me and have same thoughts when I was at their age. So whom should I share my thoughts with??. This is the question I have from my school days. I was always alone when it comes to expressing my thoughts. Its every-time me craving for company from others, not the other way. I guess the barrier potential of this craving is reaching peak. I am also thinking that someone should talk to me daily, ask me to go out with them. Tell stories of how they spent the day and ask mine. Yes, these all seem link towards what I am specifying so called "Getting Engaged" , but I may not be true.
The thing is I also saw so many peaks and valleys in my life. As per my family they think I am the luckiest to have things I desired compared to them with respect to finding resources and getting them. But no one never knew the truth about the other side of coin. Since I never shared my sorrows with anyone, it all accumulated inside. My likes, dislikes when it comes to the person I am never open. I dont know how to talk to people when I am infront of them. Every word I talk, I will be thinking that what should I talk next so to keep the person interested and I fumble!!!..
Now the reasons I am thinking of going away from this thought is few. First I am still left with my student loan, which takes around a year to complete. Second I am still not sure to go back to India. Third I am waiting for parents to come here and see what they feel about USA. Although they dont like Bangalore due to traffic, they may like california. Fourth the girl I want to marry, initial thoughts were to marry a girl who stays in India and not much interested to come to USA. But now I think its better to have that girl staying in california itself, doing job after MS, just like me. There are couple of reasons behind it, first I dont have to waste more time in visiting to girls place in India when I go for vacation and later I dont have any VISA problems.
But the confusion gets bigger and bigger with it. What if my parents does not like USA and I get married to a girl who likes to stay here.?. As my office time offs are lesser, what if I have to spend all my holidays in this, instead of taking my parents out to visit some places as they never did tour much due to our schooling. I want to have them all the things which they missed in their lifetime for raising us.
My mind and heart are struggling and thus not getting sleep, so writing this blog to flow my thoughts away into something. But still one question remains always. What's this confusion all about??
Signing off,
